8:49 p.m. - 2004-01-27
when it hits you how ugly you are you feel something stabbing slowly into your heart. it will make you think and actually disgust you. it will make you want to shatter everything that shows your reflection. to throw up everything you ever ate. throw up every single good compliment youve ever received. which, unlike the first one, doesnt leave you throwing up for very long. and if only there were more stars in the skies. if only there were more things to wish on. things may be better. and i hate this. i hate myself for this. i hate myself that i cant be beautiful. that no matter what its not going to happen. and i cant take it. i feel so ugly. and its not even a feeling. its something that is so true. something that i cant even lie to myself about. something that i cant convince myself differently.
